As a new blogger, I am learning all sorts of new and fun stuff. How to maintain a website, write creatively, marketing techniques and I get to meet (online) all kinds of other bloggers and investors. I get to see how much money a lot of bloggers are making for inspiration and I have even been nominated for a cool blogger award. It really is a great thing and I’m having a ton of fun doing it. One of the tasks I designate myself to do about once a week is to review all the filtered comments to see if there are any legit comments that didn’t make the cut. You see apparently when you have a blog, there is a whole different world out there dedicated to spamming your site with as many comments as they can.
SPAM COMMENTS! Ahhhhhhh!! Love them or hate them, they just don’t stop coming. If you are a blogger then you know exactly what I am dealing with because I am sure you are getting hit with these same ones. If you do not have a blog, when you create one, trust me, you will be hit with these as well. Lucky for us, there are programs and plugins out there that do all the filtering for you so these don’t ever get on your site. I personally use Akismet, it is a free wordpress plugin and so far has only let 1 spam comment actually come through.
The best way to handle spam comments is to put a positive spin on it and take them in with humor. If there is no stopping them, you might as well try to enjoy them right? I mean some of these spam comments are hilarious. They don’t make any sense, they throw in super random words and objects and the results are hysterical.
For the past 3 weeks or so, I have been compiling the funniest ones I have been receiving for the sole purpose of sharing to you how funny some of these are.
Here are the funniest spam comments of all time by category:
Use of Random Objects or Animals:
1) “I told my grandmother how you helped. She said, “bake them a cake!”
- I really like how they try to fit sweet old grandma into this one. And what better way to thank an awesome post by sending them a baked cake. Yum!
2) “Dag nabbit good stuff you whippersnappers!”
- Dag nabbit! I love that! And apparently, I the blogger am a whippersnapper. Whatever that means!
3) “Pin my tail and call me a donkey, that really helped.”
- Oooh, I remember playing Pin The Tail On The Donkey Game when I was a child. Great way to bring this game into a spam comment. Clever!
4) “Your cranium must be protecting some very valuable brains.”
- Ha! Yes my cranium is definitely protecting some valuable brains. Where do they come up with stuff?
5) “My problem was a wall until I read this, then I smashed it.”
- Someone apparently has rage issues. Why in the world would my post give you the courage to smash a wall? And why is a wall your problem? Is the Hulk reading my blog possibly? That would be awesome!
6) “Your website has to be the electronic Swiss army knife for this topic.”
- I like this one, I’d like to think that my blog is a Swiss Army Knife. Swiss army knives are awesome. I would imagine this means it covers a lot of topics and is very helpful. WhooHooo! I should have let this one through.
7) “At last, someone who knows where to find the beef.”
- Oh yeah! I found the beef. This reminds of the old Wendy’s commercial for “where’s the beef”. You remember that? Classic!
8) “Great article but it didn’t have everything-I didn’t find the kitchen sink!”
- I do have the kitchen sink in my blog! You just didn’t find it because you didn’t search hard enough!
9) “This is way better than a brick & mortar establishment.”
- I didn’t realize blogs could have a brick and mortar store but I’m glad you enjoyed it online more than actually going to my blog!
10) “A rolling stone is worth two in the bush, thanks to this article.”
- I don’t understand this one at all. Is it a move reference? It’s funny because it makes zero sense to me.
Off the wall/Random SPAM Comments
11) “I hate my life but at least this makes it bearable.”
- Man! This is the most depressing comment I have ever received. Really happy to hear though that my blog makes your life bearable! LOL
12) “Me and this article, sitting in a tree, L-E-A-R-N-I-N-G!”
- First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes INSERT NAME HERE, in a baby carriage!! Ha, the good old days during recess. Good times and I love how they put this into a comment. I wonder if everyone knows what this is? Or is it just me?
13) “What’s it take to become a sublime expounder of prose like yourself?”
- A who what now? Sorry my vocabulary is not awesome. I had to look this up and it does make sense. I doubt anyone in the last century have ever uttered these words!
14) “The genius store called, they’re running out of you.”
- Very clever! Get me all buttered up with compliments. This one also made the cut just because of that. I like to thing that I am a genius!! A genius at eating at least! And sleeping!
15) “The internal and external obliques is available along the sides in the rectus abdominal, and assist our bodies with lateral, or bending and twisting, movements.”
- I actually got this as a spam comment. Really?! These spam bots are really getting detailed about stuff.
17) “That’s 2 clever by half and 2×2 clever 4 me. Thanks!”
- This seems like it should add up but it’s not adding up for me. I don’t get it. You with me on this?
18) “I love these articles. How many words can a wordsmith smith?”
- I’m glad you like my articles but why are you asking me how many words can a wordsmith smith? Is this a riddle of some sort? Trick question maybe!! Oh you sneaky spammer!
19) “Free knowledge like this doesn’t just help, it promote democracy. Thank you.”
- Dab nabbit! I should run for president!
Use of curse words in SPAM Comments
20) “Information is power and now I’m a !@#$ing dictator.”
- A tab bit aggressive are we??
21) “More posts of this quality. Not the usual c***, please.”
- 4 letter C word?? Hmmm, can’t be crap is it? That is not a curse word! Makes you really think though.
22) “No more s***. All posts of this quality from now on.”
- Now that is what i’m talking about, no more s***! I hate s***!
23) “Holy shiznit, this is so cool thank you.”
- Fo’ Sho’ my bizzle! Anytime!
Sports Related SPAM Comments
24) “Slam dunkin like Shaquille O’Neal, if he wrote informative articles.”
- Shaq!! He was a monster back in the day and Im sure if he had a blog, he would dunk all over us other little bloggers.
25) “If information were soccer, this would be a goooooal!”
- No I think you mean, this would be a GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!
26) “touchdown! That’s a really cool way of putting it!”
- Just in time, football season is right around the corning. I want to see more football related SPAM Comments. Bring em!!
Use of Acronyms in SPAM Comments
27) “Never seen a better post! ICOCBW”
- ICOCBW – In case of comment, be weary?? What in the heck does this stand for?
28) “Such a deep answer! GD&RVVF”
- Okay I bet the GD is for Good Day. But RVVF? Clueless on this one.
29) HHIS I should have thought of that!
- Really glad to hear you should’ve though of my post idea. But you didn’t!! Ha! And what in the world is HHIS? Anyone?
Well folks, I literally went through over 700 SPAM comments to get these. It is amazing how fast they come in every day. Which of these is your favorite?